That’s what my Father used to say to me as a little kid.

As an adult, I often find myself still being a victim of pride. This past Sunday, my pastor spoke about pride being one of the more dangerous sins that we overlook. And as I listened to him speak, it became more evident that even in my quest for growth and continued education, I have not fully beaten or even acknowledged pride. Those who know me know I extend myself as much as I am able to help others. If I can’t help, I will point you in the direction of those who can. And I don’t ask for anything in return other than that you pay it forward. But when it comes to asking for help for myself, my big bad pride gets square in between me and those who can help me most.

I speak and write a lot about networking and building relationships. And yes, most of the time, I follow my own advice. But I’ve had to take a long look in the mirror and acknowledge that I was dishonoring myself. On many occasions I have had friends and networking associates ask me “what can I do for you?” and my response has always been a) I’ll let you know or b) nothing right now, I’m good. I realize how incredibly wrong those answers are, especially when I’m at a critical juncture in my business. I can’t make excuses for myself because truth is truth. Even though I have this incredible network, for which I give thanks every day, I don’t tap into my human resources as much as I should. I’m going on a limb here by publicly admitting that I haven’t been following all of my own rules. And I am ashamed. Rather than make excuses, I want to share my insight.

I have been burned one time too many by people I assumed to be friends or at least friendly colleagues. Now I know this shouldn’t matter or hold me back, but it has. If you read my book Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers: The Modern Girl’s Guide to Fearless Networking, you would know about how I grew up being told not to bother people. I did over come that and I’m proud. But over the last few years, I’ve found myself caught up in other people’s issues. On several occasions, people I trusted to be there and help me realize my vision for the Empower Me! brand and company have chosen, for whatever reasons, to walk away. But not in a pleasant or respectful manner, rather, in an abrupt disappointing manner (one person just disappeared and never called or emailed me to say he was no longer available). Rather than taking them as isolated incidents of people I probably didn’t need to associate with, I’ve taken those situations and applied them across the board. It’s made me withdraw inward and not want to ask others for help. It’s disappointing to be so excited about something and seeing other “get it” and want to help, then choosing to bail. It’s enough to make a person feel like people can’t be trusted. I really don’t want to believe that, and in my core, I don’t. But I’m working on forgiving and releasing those few people and incidents so I can move on.

Now, 97% of my network, I mean my true, trusted inner circle, would go above and beyond for me. And many have, and continue to. So I hope they don’t take offense to this blog post. I truly appreciate them and would go to the ends of the earth for them. My problem is I let the 3% and the negative experiences I’ve had outweigh the positive. That’s my cross to bear. I own that. I sit back and look back at so many opportunities I let slip through my fingers because I let a handful of people dictate my mindset. Instead of asking for help I chose to go it alone or suffer in silence letting everyone think I had it all under control. As much as I love networking and will continue to advocate for it, I still have some issues of trust that I need to work through. I am confident in myself as a business woman and I stand behind my ideas and mission, even when some don’t understand or agree. I will give of myself and champion for another tooth and nail. But when it comes to ASKING for help, I am actively working on it.

Don’t assume that because I’ve suffered from this debilitating fear of asking for help that I can’t get past it. Some of you may feel that I’m no longer qualified to give advice about networking in light of this revelation. But that’s simply not true. I’m at a place of learning and growing. I’m working through this issue and focusing on allowing myself to trust again and ask for what I want. I still hold the same opinions about networking and because of where I am, I CAN speak to the importance of building your networking relationships. I’m upping the stakes on my business and moving to another level. Without the help of my network, I won’t succeed. And without asking, I won’t get help. So I have no choice but to beat this. There’s time for you, though, to learn from my experiences.

So to all of you who have given selflessly to me, even when I wouldn’t ask, THANK YOU. I appreciate you. I will no longer allow the actions of the past to block my current or future blessings. I am taking that confidence I have in all other areas of my business and my being, and channeling it into asking for help when I need it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness and it’s not shameful. It’s showing that you have the strength to look past yourself to get things done for the good of others.

Til next time,

Adrienne Graham
Networking is a two-way street. I’ve opened up that other lane!

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Adrienne Graham is the Founder & CEO of Empower Me! Corporation (www.empowerme.org). She is a strategist that helps people grow their career, business or network in any economy. She is the voice behind Views from the Top Radio Show, and the creative visionary behind Empower Me! Institute and Empower Me! Magazine. Her writing and shows focus on Career Management, Networking Strategies, Entrepreneurial Success and Small Business Management. You can also find her causing a ruckus on Forbes.com.